Ukraine's Complicated Roots, or, How to Almost Get Kicked Out of a Monastery

CAVE MONASTERY PASSAGEWAY: I’m kind of surprised to see this picture, supplied by Green Tours. The monk who wouldn’t let me in made it pretty clear that I’d get blasted by lightning bolts if I dared to take a photo. (Photo credit: https://greentourua.com/kiev-pechersk-lavra-ancient-cave-monastery/)

“[M]odern Ukraine is entirely the product of the Soviet era,” writes the Butcher of the Kremlin in his 2021 essay “On the Historical Unity of Russians and Ukrainians.” “We know and remember well that it was shaped—for a significant part—on the lands of historical Russia.”

Putin’s 5,000-word pile of horse shit argues that Ukrainians are just people who forgot they were Russian. He used it as one of many reasons for invading Ukraine.

I’m no scholar of Slavic history, but I know nonsense when I see it. Putin makes all kinds of claims connected with ancient Slavic history that are wrong. I went to my Dutton paperback Medieval Russia’s Epics, Chronicles, and Tales to see why someone with a hard-on for Russian imperialism would misunderstand the Slavic past.

The common heritage of many Slavs—especially the Ukrainians, Belarusians, and Russians—is an ancient kingdom called Kievan Rus, which once covered a massive part of present-day Eastern Europe. The book is a brilliant collection of pieces dating from the rise of Kievan Rus, and the old chronicles included in this book—like “The Lay of Igor’s Campaign”—unfortunately use “Russian” to describe the lands and peoples covered by this kingdom. Vlad the Simpleton probably thinks this term means the same thing as Russia today. It doesn’t.

Culture’s a complicated thing. The historical pressures and conflicts that create a people’s identity can’t be dismissed or trivialized, which Putin does repeatedly in his essay.

GOOD BUT MISLEADING: A great compendium of ancient chronicles, but you’ve got to remember that “Russian lands” doesn’t mean the same thing as Russia now.

Nothing’s ever taught me more about the complicated ancient heritage of the Slavs than visiting the Monastery of the Caves in Kiev. There’s a system of underground cells in which monks have lain in a mummified sleep for a thousand years. It dates to the Kievan Rus period, and it is breathtaking.

A young Russian Orthodox monk at the entrance was clearly pissed off when I walked up in a t-shirt and shorts. You don’t dress like a Disneyland tourist to enter the cradle of Slavic spirituality. Plus I’m a Roman Catholic and he really didn’t like that.

How did he know? He saw me kissing my little brown scapular in front of a painting of the Virgin Mary before he barred my way. He looked over at my father and Alexi, a retired Soviet Army officer who was hosting us, and complained.

“He’s not a member of the true faith! People like him are not welcome here!”

Alexi wanted me to see the sleeping monks, and he acted very fast. A first-class bullshitter, he told the monk that he and my father were were trying to show me the error of my ways, and that I’d come on a pilgrimage to join Russian Orthodox Christianity. Alexi really poured it on, and the monk—who was in his early 20s and had a very light, downy beard—-was so surprised and confused that he actually let me pass.

If he’d known my father was Greek Catholic and Alexi belonged to the Autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church, he would have lost his mind. The Russian Orthodox hate both (you’ll have to look up the reasons why yourself)—and the feeling is pretty mutual. It doesn’t matter what Putin argues—everyone has a separate claim to heritage like this. I had a visceral experience of it the minute the monk started scolding me.

It was cold down in the underground cells. I wished I’d worn long pants and a shirt with long sleeves. But I forgot about all that when I saw those mummy monks, waiting for Jesus to return and wake them. I hope a Russian missile doesn’t beat Him to it.

#freeukraine #Putinisawarcriminal